The Freakin' Talk
by AeroCharm
Summary: Being locked in a room with Sasuke and forced by bestfriends to have The Talk isn't so bad. Right? AU Sasusaku.


"Go on, enlighten us."

Ino Yamanaka, arms folded across her chest, glares at the guilty looking couple –or in Sasuke's case, anywhere but here— sitting at her boyfriend's couch.

"Enlighten you on what?" Sakura said with the grace to look sheepish.

Sakura Haruno kept fidgeting under the interrogative gaze of her reporter best friend and Sasuke's arm.

"On what you were doing!" Ino paced around the room, her reporting instincts taking over. She, as a journalist of the local TV station, can't stand if there's a secret she doesn't know. Thus, the 'need-to-know' overwhelms her way of thinking.

"We weren't doing anything!" Green orbs snuck a glance at Sasuke. The pink-haired lady slumped on the couch even further, if possible. Wishing there was a hole she could jump in and disappear, she pouted.

"Oh, don't give me that, forehead! Shika-kun," Ino gave her boyfriend a knowing look. "What were they doing when we walked in?"

Shikamaru appeared from the terrace, holding on an apple and munching on it, looking bored as usual but answered his girlfriend's question nonetheless.

"Making out, apparently." He deadpanned.

Sakura groaned.

"And GROPING! Under Saku-chan's shirt! God, teme! You disgust me." Naruto, obviously eavesdropping, hollered from the bathroom.

Sakura groaned once again and buried her head on Sasuke's chest. Sasuke's grip tightened on Sakura's shoulder.

"How long has this been happening, forehead?" Ino sat down beside Sakura and placed a reassuring hand on Sakura's back.

"Over the summer." Sakura's answer was muffled but audible enough to understand.

Ino squealed with delight. "So, are you boyfriend and girlfriend?" Ino wiggled her eyes and grinned like the Cheshire Cat at that movie Alice in Wonderland.

"What? No! NO!" Sakura waved her hands in front of Ino's face for emphasis and Sasuke shook his head furiously.

"You mean you're f-friends with benefits?" Ino stammered with wide eyes.

"They clearly didn't have The Talk yet." Shikamaru uttered and joined Naruto at making ramen. In which Naruto nodded sagely.

"You guys didn't have The Talk yet?" Ino shrieked.

"We tried, piggy, but," Sakura looked at Sasuke for help. "It was just too distracting." At that, Sakura blushed.

"I can't believe this. You guys, have to have The Talk. This," Ino gestured at them accusingly. "Is not right."

"We know you would say that, pig—"

"That's why we didn't tell anybody." Sasuke said flatly.

"And that, my horny friend, is not right! Keeping this from us…it's a sin!" Ino huffed and feigned anger.

"I'm sorry, Ino. It's just that when I came in here I saw him watching Jimmy Neutron. _Jimmy Neutron_, Ino! Hello! It just went downhill from there." Sakura explained heartily.

"Did you guys have sex already?" Naruto pointed his chopsticks at the couple, ignoring Sakura's explanation. He tried picking Sasuke's head, thanks to the perspective his head's smaller, with his chopsticks

In reply, Sakura blushed furiously and refused to make eye contact with anyone while Sasuke turned his attention at the window pane, a tint of pink playing at his cheeks.

"I assume that's a 'yes'." Shikamaru perceptively said.

Ino groaned and Naruto expressed his disgust with an 'ew'.

"Like you're not doing this to Hinata, dobe."

"At least I have a relationship with her! Unlike some man whores I know!"

For once, Sasuke Uchiha was speechless.

"Touché." Ino pointed out.

**.xxx.**

Waking up under the rays of sunlight, Sasuke observed the petite girl resting on his arm. He took in the way Sakura's hair was splattered everywhere, the calm rising of her chest, the way she perfectly fitted on every curve of his body, and how she was amazing in every way last night. He brushed a loose strand away from her face. At this, Sakura shifted and her eyelids fluttered to look at him.

"Good morning, sleepyhead." Sakura murmured. Sasuke smirked at her.

Sakura stretched like a cat and got dressed. Sasuke did the same.

"Thanks for, um, last night." Sakura said while buttoning up her blouse, hoping that her flushed cheeks was hidden beneath her hair. In reply, Sasuke walked towards her and kissed her hair.

Fully dressed, Sakura went to the door to turn the knob. But as she turned it, the knob fell. Wide eyed, she turned to Sasuke. "S-Sasuke-kun…"

He walked towards the door and rapped on it. "Yamanaka, are you out there?"

A shrill and mocking voice was heard on the other side of the door. "Why, yes, Sasuke-kun. As a matter of a fact, I am out here." Then the voice chuckled.

"Hey, pig! Get us out of here!" Sakura banged on the door furiously.

"Not until you guys have The Talk and when you already have The Talk, you slip a piece of paper underneath the door to tell us your relationship status and when I like it I can let you out, OK, Saku-chan?" Ino chimed in a sing-songy voice and giggled.

"We are not having The Talk, alright? We're already happy like this." Sasuke said flatly but to Sakura's ears, there was a tint of desperation.

"Nu-uh!" Naruto's voiced out. "You only think you're happy with what you're doing but you don't actually feel happy because you're only thinking you're happy which is completely different from being _really_ happy." He added.

"What is wrong with you?" Ino stared at him like he was some psycho blonde. In return, Naruto just grinned.

"Whatever. Fine, lock us up. We're just going to have sex all day. Ha!" Sakura screamed at the door.

"Oh, that's OK, forehead. I've got Shikamaru here and we can have sex all day too. Right outside this door." Ino sounded smug.

"This is troublesome." Shikamaru muttered.

"I wish I've brought along Hinata too. My friends are sexually hormone charged and I'm missing out." Naruto said sounding mockingly sad.

**.xxx.**

A note was slipped under the door. When Ino saw this, she immediately picked it up.

"_We're going to see where it's going to go."_ Ino read with venom in every word. She repeatedly read it with an infuriating tone. "I don't think so, Forehead! Not good enough!"

"Not good enough!" Naruto repeated with mock amusement.

**.xxx.**

Another note was slipped under the door. This time, it was Naruto who picked it up.

"_Friends with benefits…?"_ Naruto read this disbelievingly. "Hey, Ino! They said 'friends with benefits' with a question mark! With a friggin question mark!" Naruto threw his head back and laughter filled the room.

"NOT GOOD ENOUGH!" Ino hollered from the bathroom.

"NOT GOOD ENOUGH!" Naruto repeated and pretended he had the voice of an angry principal lecturing delinquents who had been caught making out inside the janitor's closet. Déjà vu much?

**.xxx.**

A yellow paper with curly handwriting was picked up by Naruto once again.

"_We are in an open-relationship. No strings attatched."_

He gave the paper to Ino, who was eating cereals for pre-breakfast, and chuckled. "They sure are stubborn, Ino." Naruto commented. In which Ino replied with a roll of her eyes.

"NOT GOOD ENOUGH!" Ino stood up from her couch and slammed the piece of paper on the coffee table.

"NOT GOOD ENOUGH!" Naruto repeated with his Hitler voice and pointed at the ceiling.

A note was slipped again under the door. Naruto saw this and read.

_Fuck you, dobe._

Shikamaru and Ino tried to pry a demented Naruto, who was muttering profanities, away from the door to keep it from breaking.

**.xxx.**

"Y'know, they're never gonna have The Talk." Shikamaru voiced out his thoughts. He was cooking; he had on a 'Kiss The Cook' apron, while Ino was drinking her Gatorade, her back leaning against a kitchen counter. "We have to speed things up." Ino examined the nutritional facts of her beverage, and an idea came to her mind. "Eureka!"

**.xxx.**

"Sasuke-kun, what's that smell?" Sakura asked. Her nose was pointing at the door and sniffed. Sasuke mimicked her action and sniffed the air. They looked at each other and said at the same time.

"BACON!"

"That's right! We're eating bacon. You can have some too if you're done having The Talk." Ino was obviously blackmailing them.

The pink-haired girl's stomach grumbled in protest. She stood up and inhaled deeply. Sitting at the edge of the bed, she whispered to Sasuke. "Y'know I'm hungry right, Sasuke-kun?" Sakura asked sinisterly. In return, Sasuke rolled his eyes and replied "Obviously."

"Let's just lie!"

"…"

"Yeah, let's just tell them what they want to hear." Sakura cackled like an evil witch at her plan.

Sasuke shrugged and nodded.

**.xxx.**

Shikamaru picked up the piece of paper slipped underneath the door. "_Boyfriend & Girlfriend_." He read it out loud to Ino and Naruto who were arguing on who had the prettiest eyes between the both of them. Ino and Naruto squealed and bounced towards the door.

"Are you guys really boyfriend and girlfriend?" Ino rapped at the door, voice filled with glee.

"Um, yeah. I know that Sasuke-kun and I are both afraid of commitment, –given the fact that I turned my boyfriends in the past 2 years obviously traumatized me and the girls after him are actually in it for the money, not that Sasuke-kun doesn't have the looks to come with it— we thought that we'd go well together." Sakura said at the door, her back towards Sasuke's chest. "And besides I only want Sasuke-kun to hold me, not any other guy."

"Yeah, our… bodies are like made to fit each other." Sasuke muttered whilst inhaling the watermelon scent of the figure in front of him. "She understands what I want and respects it." He closed his eyes and continued to inhale her heavenly scent as if to calm him. "She's not after my money…" Without thinking, he wrapped his arms around her tiny waist and pulled her closer, his chest to her back.

"He knows that I have a thing for loofahs and he doesn't call me weird for it." Sakura murmured and wrapped her own hands over Sasuke's. "He's amazing." She turned to face him and wrap her arms around his neck. "She's everything I ever wanted." Sasuke mumbled as he leaned forward to her.

"He's my boyfriend."

"She's my girlfriend."

"Alright, alright. We get it!" Ino said across the open door. "I mean, finally!" Sasuke and Sakura jumped away from each other. Both, sporting pink cheeks.

As they walked out, Ino engulfed them in a big hug.

"Finally! We all knew you'd hook up in the end." Shikamaru said from the table decorated with today's lunch.

**.xxx.**

Sasuke and Sakura stood side by side at the Nara's front porch. "We tricked them, huh?" Sakura gave him a bright smile. Sasuke faced toward the bright sun, a smirk playing across his lips. "We tricked them good." Sakura giggled and grabbed his hands and walked to the direction of the street. "Wanna grab a cup of coffee, Sasu-chan?" Sakura giggled even harder. Sasuke stopped abruptly which made Sakura, who was in a fit of giggles, jerk backwards to the warm embrace of her fibbed boyfriend.

His lips pressed lightly on hers. Sakura felt him smile against her lips. He broke it off with a smirk on his lips. "Sure, Sa-ku-ra." The pink-haired femme blushed deeply at the way Sasuke said her name seductively.

Sasuke chuckled and draped his arm on her waist and went to the nearest café.

**.xxx.**

"You do realize they were lying, right?" Shikamaru was doing the dishes when he mentioned this to Ino who was glancing at the pretend-couple trotting away from their house.

"No. They think they're lying but they're not."

* * *

**Author's Note:** Based on that How I Met Your Mother episode. (Teddy is soooo awesome!) Thanks for the reviews.


End file.
